feeling down,

hello ,sorry not wrote for a while because iv been feeling a bit down lately and cant shake myself out off it ,normally i just get on with things and don't let it get me down ,people don't understand unless there going through the same thing as me ,i have a friend who stopped me today and asked me about Andy and we got talking because her husband is on dialysis we found alot to talk about but talking to her just upset me and i started crying ,its not like me ,i just feel as there is nothing in my life at the moment and i cant cope ,iv had nine years off Andy being ill and i just think is there going to be some time in his life were he is not ill and we can live a normal life,Andy is very down as well and i normally make him feel better but not succeeding at the moment ,we had a chat recently and he told me to go down south to my friend Sam's ,tempting but i feel he wouldn't cope with the kids at the moment ,and when i get back nothing would of changed,and all id do is worry any way ,and Andy has a way off making me feel guilty sometimes ,maybe i will feel better when the summer gets here ,i no Andy loves the summer and loves to sit out in the garden so me and his mum have been trying to get the garden ready ,theirs a lot off work to be done still we need someone to rotavate the garden and level it out then we can seed it ,then we need to dig up all the stinging nettles in the front garden and get rid off bricks that are buried under the grass ,so i don't think the gardens are going to be done till next summer,unless we win the lottery or something,Andy's not as bad as he has been ,but he has a lot of fluid on and got told of today because he was so breathless with too much fluid they had to put Andy on oxygen when he got to hospital today ,the doctor told him if he doesn't cut down he could end up drowning him self ,so i will have to make sure he cuts down ,sorry if iv bored any one ,but just thought id let you no how things were going,ttfnxx