things are looking up,

i would just love this dog,how cute,xx

Andy came home from hospital looking a bit better today ,his been put back on the transplant list ,at last, most of the fluid is off for now ,his got to have a chest xray and heart scan ,his eating well ,just need to get his sleeping pattern back to normal ,,his doctor changed his sleeping tablets and gave him some others to try so fingers crossed hope they work ,..because he has been keeping me awake at night coughing and itching ,driving me mad ,lol,i went to bingo tonight had a little win ,my stars say its a lucky month 4 me will see ,had kye today and took him round to my friend rachels house ,we walked in and kye got a face wash from their dog rueben ,lol,then scruffy their other doggy wanted a bit of fuss ,and then the other dog lept ,he doesn't normally jump up at you but did today ,lol,i love dogs ,if i didn't have a cat i would have a dog ,im shopping tomorrow so hope iys not raining ,and i want to get some of my garden done ,going now ,bye ,ttfnxxxxxxxx

arhhhhhhhhhhh

well this weekend ive been so fed up ,Andy's been so down ,he was over loaded again this weekend with fluid ,but u cant tell him ,so i fell out with him ,were ok now we sorted it and his going to try and cut down ,,all his done is sit in his chair drinking and smoking and he wonders why he cant breath properly ,,he said he gets thirsty alot and admitted his not coping with being a diabetic at the moment ,so today instead off drinking tea i got him some sugar free sweets to suck on ,and hope it works ,not been up to much this weekend had grandson kye ,done a bit more weeding in the garden ,nothing exciting ,Andy came home with a up date of medication today ,they have put him back on calcium tablets ,hope they keep a eye on him this time ,also he has to have a scan of his heart in a couple off weeks ,so hope that's ok .in November last year we had to move because off horrible neighbours ,i loved my house and we had a great garden which me and my mother in law done ,so when we moved in to the new house there was alot off work to be done ,thanks to friends and family we got most of it done ,the council gave us decorating vouchers ,and that's it ,and that horrible family are still there on a two year suspended eviction order and still causing trouble with people in the village ,whats this world coming too ,scum like that get all the help they need ,and we get nought,i phoned our council to see if they can help with the garden because its a right state ,andy had a fall its so bumpy ,they said you have to be sixty or over for them to help ,what about disabled people ,my mother in law is helping me with it at the moment shes nearly sixty five she shouldn't be doing it really but its so Andy can go and sit in the garden in the summer without falling over,because he is partially sighted ,its killing me so i don't no how shes feeling ,anyway im going now iv had me moan ,lol,ttfn xxx

fed up with rain ,

what a horrible day ,,when i got up at half six this morning the sun was shinning so i put the washing on the line ,as soon as stepped out the front door to go shopping it started raining ,we still went on our weekly shopping trip to worksop ,didn't get any bargains but then again we didn't finish shopping we had a phone call from Andy that he had to get to hospital by 12 ,because he needed extra dialysis and the doctor wanted to assess him ,so hoping to go tomorrow and finish ,Andy saw the doctor who just took some blood and that was that basically,he came home lighter but that's it till tomorrow when he goes back for dialysis again ,i had my grandson kye today he was good when we were shopping ,,hes not two till June and i think his quite forward for his age ,his mum rang so i said to kye talk to mummy and kye said hello mummy then he said shopping john and cilla ,car car ,which we was shopping with john and cilla ,then i hurd Kelly say bye bye love you and kye said bye bye love you more ,i thought it was so sweet ,but he sounded more like a four year old talking ,and this morning he said to me on on ,so i said what do you want on ,and he said fifi ,so i knew he wanted to watch tv ,bless,kye is football mad and he loves playing in the garden ,so the pic above is kye,ttfn

feeling down,

hello ,sorry not wrote for a while because iv been feeling a bit down lately and cant shake myself out off it ,normally i just get on with things and don't let it get me down ,people don't understand unless there going through the same thing as me ,i have a friend who stopped me today and asked me about Andy and we got talking because her husband is on dialysis we found alot to talk about but talking to her just upset me and i started crying ,its not like me ,i just feel as there is nothing in my life at the moment and i cant cope ,iv had nine years off Andy being ill and i just think is there going to be some time in his life were he is not ill and we can live a normal life,Andy is very down as well and i normally make him feel better but not succeeding at the moment ,we had a chat recently and he told me to go down south to my friend Sam's ,tempting but i feel he wouldn't cope with the kids at the moment ,and when i get back nothing would of changed,and all id do is worry any way ,and Andy has a way off making me feel guilty sometimes ,maybe i will feel better when the summer gets here ,i no Andy loves the summer and loves to sit out in the garden so me and his mum have been trying to get the garden ready ,theirs a lot off work to be done still we need someone to rotavate the garden and level it out then we can seed it ,then we need to dig up all the stinging nettles in the front garden and get rid off bricks that are buried under the grass ,so i don't think the gardens are going to be done till next summer,unless we win the lottery or something,Andy's not as bad as he has been ,but he has a lot of fluid on and got told of today because he was so breathless with too much fluid they had to put Andy on oxygen when he got to hospital today ,the doctor told him if he doesn't cut down he could end up drowning him self ,so i will have to make sure he cuts down ,sorry if iv bored any one ,but just thought id let you no how things were going,ttfnxx

im back,

have you missed me,,,well iv not been well the day after my birthday i was in and out the loo all day i was poohing like nothing and being sick at the same time ,in the end i just collapsed on the bathroom floor i just manged to crawl to unlock it to call jack to get help ,i just had no energy in my little body left ,the worse thing is Andy couldn't help me get up he had to ring his parents to come round and get me on the bed ,then a paramedic came and assessed me and sent me to hospital were i stayed for three days ,i never felt so ill in my life ,i lost half a stone and felt very week when i came home from hospital ,im not to bad now made it to the shop and back today ,but it did tire me ,all i did in hospital was sleep ,pooh ,sick,then sleep,and worry about how Andy and the kids ,Andy's parents stayed with Andy and helped out which was alot off worry of my mind ,i don't no how we would cope without them,,,,,,would you believe as they were booking me in at hospital they had to book Andy in at the same time to treat him because he had a bad hypo in there,,the most embarrassing thing happened to me in the hospital ,i needed the toilet real bad but didn't make it in time and poohed myself in front of the doctors and Andy ,how embarrassing,doctors SE it all the time but my god i will never forget this ,the doctors done some test and couldn't find any bugs so they just said it was a viral bug ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Andy has been very ill ,something changed in him ,he couldn't get his words out he was slurring ,he kept walking into doorways and walls he nearly fell down stairs and he seemed very week ,his blood sugars very high ,and weight loss this all was happing to him last week and family and friends were noticing something was not right ,his mum was in tears when she come to Se me in hospital ,so i new i had to get home and get better ,today i decided to ring the hospital and talk to some one about Andy ,,so i spoke to the ward manger and i told him everything and he said he agreed with me that Andy was not responding properly and that he will talk to the doctor and get back to me ,so half an hour later the doctor phoned me and i explained all and she said that Andy's calcium levels were very high and that she told Andy to stop taking calcichews over aweek ago but he forgot and was still taking twelve tablets a day ,so she said this can cause Brain dysfunction and that she thinks this is what has happened with Andy ,so now she has put him on dairy free for three days took him off calcichew and some other tablets ,and they are giving Andy some more blood on Wednesday and see how he goes ,but if he doesn't pick up then we are going to do a brain scan to rule out mini stroke or anything else ,but hopefully he will pick up ,he is eating more than he was last week,so that's a good start,family and my friends have been great ,the kids have really helped and being their just makes you feel wanted,any way I'm going ,so tired,,,,ttfnxx

21 again,

well its been and gone ,had a lovely day ,i went for a meal this afternoon with my daughter Kelly and her boyfriend Mark and Mark's mum ,son jack and other daughter Lauren .and grandson kye who's still not well,Andy didn't come he was to ill as well,i got some lovely flowers from two friends ,some nice clothes and chocs and bits ,a electric knife from in laws which i needed,what a cold day i cant believe this weather at the moment,at tea time my in laws came round with a cake that cilla made it was lovely ,then my neighbour came round with a cake what she made as well ,iv never had a birthday cake let alone two,then i went to bingo with my friend carol we won a little back so it was nice ,got embarrassed when they announced my birthday ,was nice though,any way its all over till next year,Andy has got worse again over the weekend his got so weak and feels very tired ,and his not eating allot ,still breathless he nearly fell backwards down the stairs this morning ,if i hadn't been their to grab him he would of fell ,so tomorrow he is seeing the doctor ,he cant seem to get his words out it almost like his drunk but his not ,and its not his blood sugar because that can make funny ,so me and his parents are really worried ,any way the pic is me Lauren and Kelly,taken today at lock keepers in worksop,ttfnxx

retail theraphy .

i went into worksop with my daughter Kelly today ,it was very busy ,new look wasn't up to much ,i don't no if its me feeling older but i don't like this years summer fashion ,but i did find two new tops and a pair of shoes ,Kelly brought me a top and undies for my birthday (Sunday) 21 again,lol, i wish, it cheered me up shopping we had lunch as well,but my grandson kye was not well all he done was sleep ,he has got a gastric bug at the moment AL though he has not been sick today while we was shopping he was sick tonight and filled that many nappies,bless, Kelly had a little scare today and had to go to the hospital for a check up shes expecting a baby in august and she had a little bleed,mother and baby got the all clear after scaring Kelly half to death because they couldn't find the baby's heart beat at first ,Andy had dialysis today ,his still a bit breathless and coughing well,today hit me how much weight Andy has lost ,they changed his target weight he came of at 67 that's just under 10 stone he is normally 10 and a half,and he looks like he has aged by ten years ,so i cant help but wonder if their is something else wrong ,time will tell ,fingers crossed their isn't ,every one asks after Andy ,but not many ask how I'm feeling ,so i was happy when his mum asked this morning ,i do get down sometimes and feel that no one cares ,its hard because i feel that I'm on my own looking after my husband who has been ill for so long ,i even feel guilty that i went to town today and i wasn't in when he came back from dialysis,even though he didn't miss me he just slept ,i no I'm not on my own but that's how it feels sometimes .Andy's not got a life ,he cant get out and about like me and he has bad feet so he don't walk far ,and he needs some one with him especially at night because off bad eyes ,AL due to being diabetic.so who am i to feel like this ,,going now ,ttfn.xxxthe pic is of our new shopping centre in worksop,

still not recoverd

its been a while since i wrote ,well not been up to much ,Andy's been ill since last weekend he had a fluid over load and was very breathless,i don't no how it happened ,i think it was because he didn't eat well while he was in hospital and lost weight so when he was going to dialysis they didn't need to take fluid of because they go by how much weight you have put on ,if that makes sense ,so they wasn't taking enough fluid off and had a build up ,it can be life threatening you drown yourself basically,so he has had a extra 3 and a half hours dialysis this week ,and his still breathless and tired,I'm surprised they didn't keep him in hospital on Monday because he was in such a state he woke me at 5 30 am to help him wash for dialysis,it was awful seeing him like that ,everyone was worried ,he isn't as bad as last weekend he has had two more units off blood yesterday which done him good ,he is not sleeping well at night ,but slept nearly all day,today i have been doing a little gardening ,the garden is just awful don't no how I'm going to get it done,theres bricks layers of them under the grass u could build a ten foot wall with the ones Ive dug up today,lol,so I'm really aching now,yesterday was nice i went for a walk in the woods with me friend rach ,i loved it ,would of been better if it was warmer was so cold yesterday.so I'm hoping for good weather on Monday so we can go again (rachel).well I'm off to bed,ttfn,xx